Amanda Saucedo awoke in the middle of the night when the baby in her arms started crying. Before giving birth to her son Ben, the single mother from Lorain, Ohio, served in the United States Army and was already a mother to Trae, who is five years old.

Amanda changed Ben’s diaper and brought him into bed with her so she could feed him before falling back asleep. When she awoke the next morning at 8:00 a.m., she saw a tragedy beyond any parent’s comprehension: Ben lay dead in a pool of his own blood next to her in bed.

This awful occurrence occurred on November 11th, 2014, and Amanda is still traumatized as a result of it. When she awoke that fateful morning, Ben was laying beside her as usual, but he was lifeless rather than curled up happily as he had been when she fell asleep.

This incident left an everlasting mark on Amanda and heightened every parent’s instinctive desire to shield their child from harm; no parent should ever have to face such unspeakable anguish as this young mother did that day.

As I glanced down at Ben, my adorable 30-day-old baby, my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. His normally pink cheeks had turned pallid, and one of his nostrils had gotten partially blocked halfway down his face. I was scared when I noticed a pool of blood next to my child’s body.

I pulled him into my arms, shook him and screamed his name in an attempt to rouse him. But it was too late; he’d passed away. While dragging Ben’s body downstairs to seek help, I dialed 911 on my phone, wracked with sadness and anguish.

The operator kept asking me to perform CPR on him, but it was meaningless because Ben had died. He didn’t look like he used to; his little body was cold and rigid in my arms as I screamed violently. For hours thereafter, the house felt empty without his presence to fill it with joy and laughter.

The police came immediately and questioned Amanda about her use of drugs or alcohol that night, prompting an enquiry into the occurrence.

I just had one question for the coroner: did Ben die in pain? According to the coroner, babies of this size do not normally feel pain when they suffocate. His response swept over me with waves of remorse, making me believe I had murdered Ben.

I stated to the detective that there was nothing blocking Ben’s airway and that I hadn’t rolled or lain on him while he was sleeping, so how did this happen? Despite the detective’s best efforts, it appeared that they were looking for my mistake, attempting to figure out why I had been sleeping for so long. When nothing noteworthy was found, I was left in the dark with no explanation for what had occurred.

Ben died tragically on the day that would be remembered as his last due to positional asphyxiation, despite the fact that there was no underlying evidence to explain it. Amanda’s wrath and remorse seemed to rise on top of each other with each passing day.

As word spread about the occurrence, many people made assumptions about what went wrong, ranging from assuming the parent or guardian did not follow safe sleeping standards given by attachment parenting specialists to blaming lifestyle choices like drinking or taking drugs.

However, these assumptions fail to take into consideration a variety of extrinsic circumstances that can contribute to SIDS and SUDI in neonates. Despite external determinants such as parental behavior or environmental dangers, healthy newborns are nevertheless prone to sudden death in infancy, according to study – a tragic reality Amanda saw firsthand with her child.

Amanda is now working hard to raise awareness about SUDI, SIDS, and other potential sleep-related concerns associated with sleeping with a newborn. She hopes that her story may educate others, allowing them to take the necessary precautions and avoid another avoidable tragedy.

Dealing with the tragic death of my child was terrible, and the seemingly contradictory feelings that accompanied it left me feeling overwhelmed and helpless. As I shouted those words, I felt a rush of sorrow and distress wash over me. The agony was so acute that I would do anything to save someone else from such a dreadful loss.

Following the death of my son Ben, I felt compelled to share my knowledge of safe sleep practices in order to keep other children safe. Unfortunately, adults frequently feel they know better and disregard critical evidence regarding how unsafe it is for neonates to bedshare.

Scientific research has repeatedly shown how risky bedsharing may be for newborns who are vulnerable to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) or Sudden Unexpected Infant Death (SUID) (SUID). Although some may argue that they would want their child nearby if something unexpected happened while they slept, I cannot agree in light of what happened to Ben.

My mission to educate parents on how to reduce the risk of SIDS or SUID when caring for their newborns is more important than ever. And, while there is a multitude of information accessible online about safely sharing a bed, none of it can assuage my grief over losing my child.

Amanda mourns the loss of her son Ben, often wondering if his death could have been avoided. Would he be alive now if she had learned and practiced the ABCs of good sleep earlier? Despite her overwhelming grief and uncertainty, Amanda intends to ensure that no parent ever experiences the weight of guilt that she does as a result of her lack of knowledge about newborn safety.

Amanda developed Benny Bears to memorialize Ben’s memory and to raise awareness among other parents about the crucial importance of excellent sleep practices. The program provides expecting parents with a customized teddy bear and a story written by Ben himself. The story serves as a timely reminder to always exercise caution when putting children down for naps or bedtime.

Amanda believes that by distributing Benny Bears to new parents, she would promote awareness about the significance of proper sleep practices for babies and young children, as well as alleviate any feelings of responsibility if something goes wrong.

Amanda is determined, through her campaign, to prevent any other parent from experiencing the same feelings of uncertainty and humiliation that she has had since her personal tragedy. Her ultimate objective is to ensure that all children may sleep sweetly, safely tucked up in their beds, without worry or concern.